ChoicePoints September 2005

"Some find their way and that is their genius. Some continue to appear lost to us and yet ,
in the genius of who they are, have found the way for them."  _{Louise LeBrun}

This issue released: Wednesday September 7, 2005

Spotlight On - people, products and pronouncements
Today's Thought
Coming Attractions!
Quick Updates
Thought Waves

Spotlight On — Annual Huna Retreat - Nova Scotia

Sacred spaces in healing places. Your invitation to breathe life into how you live!

Right about now, we begin to catch glimpses of what is to come. Driving to work, on our way shopping or perhaps coming home from visiting friends or family, we begin to notice that hidden in the bulk of green, some leaves are already sporting the colors of fall. A time to stop... and notice... things are shifting. It may well be that things are also shifting inside you - have you noticed yet?

If it's time for you to stop... and begin to pay attention to what's moving inside you, the Huna Retreat at the peaceful Oceanstone Inn (www.oceanstone.ns.ca) near Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia creates the space and the invitation for you to do just that. Whether you're eagerly returning to this mystical experience or considering it for the first time, you can be sure that your life will be profoundly touched by this extended journey within.

• Push the 'pause' button on your busy life!
• Let yourself be taken care of as you pay attention to what fuels how you move through the world.
• Make time for yourSelf to be discovered and expanded.
• Share the adventure! Step into this sacred space with someone you love to quicken and deepen your connection.

For those of you who will be returning, you'll remember the magic of The Great Room... ocean shimmering in the late afternoon sun, salty breezes whistling through the expanse of open windows, meaningful and powerful conversations that rose from deep inside - where you live - shared easily and effortlessly. Great food, restful sleeps and new friends! And perhaps the most potent moment of all, the magic of the Higher Self Connection, by the light of 100 candles, under the moon of the ever darkening night.

If you were there, it's something you'll long remember and long for. If you're joining us for the first time, it's an experience that will open your mind, feed your soul and teach you the undeniable power of your own body to heal, to lead and to show you the way home. This is your invitation to discover who you are capable of becoming.

All that, and the beauty of the sacred space that is Oceanstone.  We look forward to welcoming you to our Atlantic Aloha! For information and to register: www.TidePoolResources.com/poster/HunaRetreat10.htm

Today's Thought

"One of the most significant findings in psychology in the last twenty years is that individuals can choose the way they think."

Martin Seligman, Learned Optimism

Coming Attractions!

We are pleased to offer you the following seminars, workshops and programs. Each one designed to provide thought-provoking and life altering experiences for your on-going personal and professional development.

WEL-Systems Experiences: September to November

The listing above only shows the first scheduled date for Ottawa Ontario. For more details and the complete program schedule, see www.WEL-Systems.com/schedule.htm

Quick Updates

Attention those who want more... Evolving Through Practice Teleclass coming up

Graduates of our certification programs have expressed a need for a forum where they can continue to work with The CODE Model™ and explore its rich, complex implications for their lives. Evolving through Practice offers just that. Recognizing that our graduates live all around the world and are unable to participate in additional face-to-face programs, we are now able to make our powerful Evolving your Practice program available in a teleclass version.

Over the course of six 90- minute sessions (once a week for 6 weeks) you will grow your comfort level in working with The CODE Model. Each 90- minute session is a facilitated open forum conversation using The CODE Model to explore issues that are surfacing for you as you work with your clients, colleagues and family. It is also useful if you are trying to determine how to apply The CODE Model in your life. Emphasis is placed on growing your awareness of your own state while actively engaging with others. We also explore and practice working at the Autopoietic end of the continuum. Following the open forum format, you set the agenda for the unfolding of each session! Participating in the teleclass is simple. You just call into the class via a teleconference bridge. Make sure you are in a comfortable space free of distractions and –presto! Let the fun begin!

Anita Allen, Founder of the WELsprings Institute for personal and professional evolution, will facilitate the teleclass. A WEL-Systems Catalyst, CODE Model Coach™ and Physiotherapist, Anita is also currently in the process of completing her InTurnship to become a WEL-Systems Educator. Anita has a keen interest in The CODE Model and the generative change that is available when we are awake and connected to the flow of information in our bodies. Anita uses The CODE Model™ extensively in her Coaching and Physiotherapy practices.

Dates for Evolving Through Practice are Monday evenings, September 27th to November 8th, from 7 PM to 8:30 PM. The registration fee is CDN$495. To register, email anita@welsprings.com or call 416-254-6420.

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WEL-Systems Change Agent Certification Series

If you are someone who is intrigued by change, are being driven crazy by change or whose job it is to initiate and manage change in their workplace, the up-coming Change Agent certification series is for you. Taken individually or as a series for certification, these programs are sure to open up a whole new way for you to consider change in an organizational context.

The Power of One	Sept 20/21	www.progenerations.com/programs/PowerOne.htm
Business in Changing Times	Sept 27	www.progenerations.com/programs/TCB.htm
Communicating with Intention	Sept 29	www.progenerations.com/programs/CWI.htm
Connecting with Confidence	Oct 4	www.progenerations.com/programs/CWC.htm
Your Self Directed Career	Oct 6	www.progenerations.com/programs/YSDC.htm
From Survival to Thrival	Oct 11	www.progenerations.com/programs/Survival.htm

To register or for more information, call Gwen at 613-254-7218.

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Magic and Miracles

Pat Donihee, PhD -Saint John, New Brunswick on her experience of the  Huna Retreat

“ A newcomer to Huna, I was anxious to learn more about this spiritual practice . Over the next three days, I experienced the power, the majesty, the spirit, the sadness and joy of our circle as we explored, discovered , claimed and lived together. I discovered in me new connections to myself. Connections, pathways inside to my most intimate self that I had forgotten and silenced for many years. I stepped into the space that I was making available for me... space I didn't even know was there and if I had I would have questioned my right to claim just a short time ago.

I left Oceanstone richer, bigger and more colourful than when I arrived. The sacredness of the Huna body of knowledge resonated with every ounce of my being and I am grateful for my discoveries. "

The next scheduled offering of the Huna Retreat, is Oct 14, 15 & 16 at Oceanstone Inn, N.S.

Thought Waves

Low Standards ...pathway to a greater life

by Gwen McCauley

My clients are such a source of inspiration and reflection that I don’t know what I’d do without them! As I reflected on several recent conversations I realized, yet again, that one of the reasons my life feels so full and rich, so easy and effortless is that I strive for so little. And that doesn’t mean that I don’t have hopes and aspirations, dreams, intentions and disappointments. But what it does mean is that somewhere along the line I discovered how wonderful it is to delight in what I have rather than bemoan what I don’t have. Perhaps it comes from growing up a girl in a very poor family where expectations were modest, to say the least.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had about 25 years ago as I was about to get married for the 3 rd time …yup, there I was 34 years old, already having lived with my partner for a while and planning for another marriage (weddings have always been optional for me; I’m not big on all the hoopla). One of my female work colleagues was both startled and puzzled by my track record. So she said this to me one day at coffee “Now Gwen, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m really curious about this marriage thing with you.” By the way, I’ve long since discovered that ‘I hope you don’t take this the wrong way’ means that something personally affronting and disparaging is about to head in my direction, but I was still pretty naïve at the time! …”I’m several years older than you, I’m much better educated than you are (I’d finished high school; she had an Honours BA), I speak several languages, I’ve lived and traveled around the world, I’ve been a model so I know I have a great figure and am attractive (I’ve always been comfortable with my plain jane face and body), I invest in a great wardrobe and I have a far better job than you do …so how is it that you’ve managed to find 3 men who want to marry you and I’ve only ever had 1 short, serious relationship in my life?”

Clearly I was too stunned to be offended by her inquiry, but after I thought about her question for a moment I replied “I don’t know, I guess I just have low standards!”

I’ve reflected on that response many, many, many times in the intervening decades. And I’ve come to believe that it truly is the pathway that has helped me to create this wonderful life I live.

And my low standards have certainly not been a barrier to accomplishment. Educationally I’ve acquired a Bachelor’s degree and a Master’s degree. And I was clear as I stepped into both of those opportunities that my marks weren’t going to be the way I judged myself. As an adult learner I was clear that there were certain things I wanted to get out of both experiences and that getting A’s would be no indication of whether I was accomplishing my goals or not. I recall the long hours and twisting and turning that my peers engaged in so that they made sure they were on the honour roll. And I was clear that those marks didn’t make them any better people in this world. Nor did they translate into increased employment opportunities, promotions or raises.

The other thing I became aware of as I moved through my higher education experiences was that my low standards upset many other people. How many professors took me aside to kindly tell me that they saw so much more potential in me than my marks indicated? All I had to do they said was to knuckle down a bit, be a little less free spirited, show them that I understood their point and I would raise my marks significantly. But I was clear within myself that needing someone else’s approval of my thoughts or my capacity to regurgitate facts, figures and opinions was never enough incentive for me to burn myself out. I was interested in learning about what I thought was important not what they thought was important.

Before I left the corporate world I accomplished a lot, most of it with my high school diploma, although I had completed my BA before I left. Over my 17 years with an organization employing some 45,000 people, I’d managed to rise from a lowly clerical position to being one of the 750 most senior people in the corporation. Sure I worked hard, but there were lots and lots of people around me who worked both harder and longer. I was smart but there were lots of other people way more brilliant than I was. What seemed to make the difference was that I was always up to try something new and didn’t worry if it didn’t work out perfectly. As a trail blazer I knew that getting something started was more important than having it be perfect. I was always willing to engage with people as people and to cut them some slack for their idiosyncrasies. Finally, I became aware that it took a lot to de-stabilize me in situations where everyone else was going crazy. My low standards typically involved anticipating that some things would go wrong and being willing and able to ride the wave of the crisis without feeling like I personally was a failure because it was happening. I think I have my mother to thank for that particular skill. She was notoriously accident prone and I spend much of my childhood cleaning blood up after she cut herself, burned herself or otherwise was rushed off to the hospital, leaving me with the mess and a bunch of bawling siblings to be taken care of!

I have the greatest friends in the world …Trish, Sandy, Louise, Peter, Tannis, Carlos, MJ … take a bow, one and all! And I’m aware that my low standards help make for great friendships because it creates space for us to laugh at our foibles. We accommodate one another’s quirks. I accept their periodic absences in my life when they are busy with other things and they accept mine. My house doesn’t have to be in perfect shape in order for us to get together and we don’t always have to be doing something in order to make spending time together worthwhile.

And then there’s my marriage. …still working on #3 …actually, my husband fondly refers to himself as lucky Door #3! And it wouldn’t be entirely honest if I didn’t share with you that when it comes to folding sheets and towels, he has a different story to tell about my low standards (not)!

However, I am aware from listening to countless acquaintances and clients talking about their exacting expectations of their partners and spouses that, once again, my low standards have been a real boon not only to the longevity of this marriage but to the overall quality of how I experience it. My low standards have been a huge invitation for Greg to engage as the autonomous adult he is …gone are my earlier efforts to caretake and mother (otherwise known as nag and complain). Instead is a willingness to clearly and directly state what my needs and expectations are and to have an honest conversation when I feel they aren’t being met. We engage as two intelligent, consensual adults able to talk through our issues rather than flip-flopping between being mom/dad/rebellious teenagers/self absorbed children. While there are moments when we drop into those states they are very occasional and of very short duration.

My low standards in all my relationships simply require that I be Me at all times. And I always know when my standards have risen because I start becoming other than me and the quality of my engagements with others starts to slip. That awareness that something is missing is my on-going way of reminding me to not only be Me, but to stay awake to who I am always in the process of becoming.

In talking about this article with my business partners, Louise and Paul, Paul observed that he was coming to the conclusion that perhaps a few lower standards might work to his advantage. Instead of being upset with everyone in his home for not treating his expensive, gourmet pots the way he wants them to be treated, he’s thinking that perhaps buying an inexpensive set may just do the trick and allow him to relax and enjoy the food and companionship of dinner without always worrying that his precious pots have been damaged. …and I now get to call him Paul Pot!!!

So my question to you is this: where can you lower your standards in order to achieve so much more in your life? Where do you drive yourself crazy in the belief that by being exacting you’ll get more, only to have it constantly boomerang on you? Who would you get to become if your standards were a little bit lower?

I think that my garden is probably the place in my life that best reflects my zeal for low standards. It is a wondrous place: small, eclectic, a uniquely wild array of colours, shapes and forms in the sea of manicured lawns and restrained plantings typical of a suburban neighbourhood. I encourage re-seeding of annuals and allow them to grow and flower wherever they sprout. I weed, but am not fanatical about it. I water but there are times when flowers droop because I’m busy with other things. My belief is that the occasional experience of drought toughens them up. And the ones that die as a result simply aren’t hearty enough for my wild landscape. I’m constantly thrilled by the passersby who stop to chat and by the children who delight in the riot of colour and texture. The more I think about it, the more I think that my approach to gardening is very instructive as a metaphor for the joys and benefits of living from low standards. It is robust, unique, appealing to all the senses, bountiful, brings delight and joy to many and requires a minimum investment of time and energy for the massive rewards that it provides.

In closing, my wish for you is that you get to live like this too. Aware, awake, creative, reveling in your uniqueness and keeping your standards low enough that the lushness of life has space to flow in and fill you up with aliveness.

The WEL-Systems® Institute
260 Hearst Way, Suite 210
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada  K2L 3H1
Tel: (613) 254-7218
info@WEL-Systems.com